Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Not my idea of "Southern Style"

     By way of AD I learned this morning of a situation regarding a colleague of his named Robert J. Wilson . By all means click on the links to get the full story, but the gist is this: Mr. Wilson and his partner approached the individuals at Southern Style Granite for the potential purchase of some remodeling materials. They were asked about the nature of their relationship (!), and upon confirming that they were indeed, a same-sex couple, were rather rudely shown the door.

     This truly chaps my hide on several levels. First, the obvious - blatant discrimination based on sexual preference, which makes no sense in general, and even less in this case. More on that in a minute. The other thing is that these nimrods are putting themselves out there as representing "Southern Style". That shouldn't bother me - the business is in Baton Rouge, after all. But it does. 
     A lot of us southerners, who just happen to be intelligent open-minded individuals, are a bit sensitive to the "bubba" or "redneck" perception. You think you're making a little social progress, and then ignorant, inbred cretins like this come along. Actually, that's not fair. Calling them ignorant, inbred cretins is an insult to the knowledge-deprived and genetically challenged everywhere.

     Since, by virtue of my father's military service, I spent a great deal of my life in the north, allow me to qualify myself to speak on behalf of true southern folk.
     I was born in DeRidder, Louisiana, where the attending physician had to be instructed that a circumcision involves more than just cutting the webs from between the toes.
     Both lines of my family derive from southwest Alabama. Attempts to trace our family tree back more than about three or four generations show the information disappearing into the piney woods and red clay dust of the log trucks.
     I currently reside in the Great State of Georgia, where I obtain my CCW permit at a sign which reads: "Marriage and Gun Licenses" (Seriously. I'm getting a picture the next time).

     That being said, I consider myself to be a worldly, enlightened individual. I'm well-read, educated and fairly intelligent, and try to take a fair-minded objective view of issues. And far from being an exception, I can honestly say that many of the men and women I know and have known in my time in the South have been similarly open-minded. Not all, but many.
     So when Bubba #1 and Bubba #2 pull some crap like this, I am sad and angry. Not only for the the gentlemen who were insulted, but that the public perception of the redneck mentality has once again been perpetuated by the shameful few, while the rest of us cringe. "Southern Style", indeed. How embarrassing.

     So, then. To the other, and a very good point made by AD: these morons supply materials to interior designers. Interior designers. Have they never watched HGTV? My wife and I watch it all the time, and among the several very talented individuals, I have yet to see a squinty-eyed, chaw-spitting hombre check out a custom cabinet and say, "Nuthin' like a nice piece of hickory".
     It's usually a lot more hugging, hand-clapping, and, "I'm so excited - this is going to look absolutely fabulous!". And usually ridiculously expensive.
     So, way to alienate a big chunk of your demographic there, Cletus. Granite countertops all the rage? Not from your shop. Dumbasses.

     What I really fail to understand is why homosexuality bothers heterosexuals at all. To say that a straight person's sexual identity is somehow "threatened" by gayness is ludicrous. Cooties didn't work in the third grade, and they won't work now.

     The other arguments I hear are generally, "It's against God's Law". Well, maybe so. I won't presume to know the mind of God. But if that's the case, then you need to butt out. Let the Big Guy handle it Himself. People who deem themselves agents of the Lord concern me, and acting on what you decide to be His will is absolutely exceeding your authority.
     Try this: speeding is against the law of man, so on your way home tonight, pull over a few people who are running over the limit. See how that works out for you.
     Another argument: "I just don't see how a man/woman can be attracted to another man/woman". Well no kidding, Sherlock, that's because you're heterosexual. Sexual orientation is a complex mix of genotype, perceived gender identity and pre- and post-pubescent hormonal influences. Gay people are gay. Straight people are straight. Bisexuals are wired for both and are very popular at parties. Hell, I don't even understand why women like men.
     "When I think about what they do, it's just disgusting". Well here's a little thought experiment: go out in public. K-Mart, the grocery store, a ball game, anywhere. Pick out a random heterosexual couple, and picture them stark naked and doing the slickety-slap. Makes your skin crawl, doesn't it? I know pornography is a billion-dollar industry, but I think I'm safe in saying that generally, sex of any description feels a lot better than it looks.

     Now as for our fine examples of tolerant humanity down in Baton Rouge, I hope that every time someone Googles up "Southern Style Granite", one of these posts comes up that lays them out for the pustulent, slack-jawed microcephalic bigots that they are (I'll probably get a few hits on "chaps", too).
     Yup, say it with me: "Southern Style Granite" = ignorant, homophobic morons. I hope their business locks up and they only have one way to move their inventory.

     Eat rocks, you bastards.


  1. Well put, sir! Putting together my own little love note on my blog....

  2. If they keep that up, they won't be in business for long. In my opinion, the only question a business has any right to ask is "cash or credit?". Maybe, "do you want fries with that?".

  3. This is a bit of a paradox.

    On the one hand, any questions about one's relationship from a retail outlet should be met with a "None of your effing business" reply.

    On the other, I understand how folks in the year 2010 would be caught off-guard at this reaction. Seriously? I mean, we're all entitled to our opinions, but WTFOMGLOL. If the personal lives of your customers are that much of a burden on you, you might want to ask yourself why you care. And then go get a nametag job, since you obviously care more about your personal beliefs than being a good capitalist and making a profit.


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